Art

‘Clothes make the man’. In every culture. That goes for trans women too.

When I realised that I was a woman, I threw myself into the world of women’s fashion with great joy. Through clothing, I can express who I am on the inside, to the outside world. I’ve really come to love fashion. I’d love to alter some items. Or design shoes.

When I browse through the world of fashion, especially Chinese fashion, I have to exercise restraint. It’s so cheap that I can try out lots of things. There are more colours, more kitsch and less mainstream stuff. Everything looks so lovely on the models. Of course, they have a different figure. I’m not a slim teenager with a bust, waist and hips. The Chinese tend to overdo it in the photos. Then I’m disappointed when the item doesn’t suit me. I have to find out what suits me. The quality isn’t the best, of course. But for me it’s brilliant because my budget is tight.

I always wear women’s clothes. I absolutely need them. Even when I’m on my own, I try out new things. I don’t usually wear make-up either.

Whilst doing the renovations, I was wearing old men’s clothes: jeans, T-shirts, sturdy shoes. It hurts me, because I’m ignoring my inner self. I can’t do that any more. Now I do the building work in high heels and miniskirts.

Mirrors have become essential. I need to be able to look at myself again and again. Then I see myself as a trans woman! Nicely dressed and wearing make-up. I need my inner self to be reflected in my outward appearance. Every time, I like what I see. Every time, I feel joy! That’s how I’m seen.

I like to dress in bold colours, just like my art. My favourites are pink, fuchsia, red, orange, a touch of yellow, a touch of purple, shades of brown and dark green too. The only time I wear blue is in a denim miniskirt. White in summer. I find black tricky – it’s a difficult colour, but it’s also chic and festive, sexy, and sometimes it contrasts beautifully with colour or, when sheer, over colour.

During my training as a graphic designer, I often dressed in bold, vibrant colours, even matching my nail varnish to my outfit. That was crazy.

I prefer plain-coloured clothes. But sometimes wild floral prints are fine too. I find ruffles, lace, openwork or slightly sheer fabrics interesting. Anything playful, kitsch or erotic. Layers, sheer fabrics. Flirtation, playfulness, joy. Beauty, sensuality, femininity, sexiness.

Unfortunately, almost everything I own is made of synthetic fibres. It isn’t always comfortable to wear. Some fibres tend to be cooling or stiff, rather than warm and soft. Polyester, in particular. And body moisture doesn’t exactly combine with it to create a delightful scent.

In summer I can show plenty of skin; it feels so free and light. Bare legs, sandals, off-the-shoulder tops. A dress, jewellery and make-up, and I’m all set. Summer is sexier. In winter I have to wear more clothes, combine different pieces and be playful. Pumps, boots, tights, skirts, tops, scarves, jackets. That has its own charm too.

When I get dressed, I pay attention to my mood, my love of colour, the weather and where I’m going. I often change my clothes during the day. The very act of getting dressed and choosing what to wear is delightful and wonderful. In the end, I always feel truly happy.

I could wear men’s clothes, because my body is masculine, and simply say that I’m a woman on the inside. That does happen. But it doesn’t apply to me. I don’t feel comfortable in men’s clothes. What’s inside is so important. I live from the inside out and want to present myself as a trans woman.

My clothes hang right at the top of the studio, where I’ve built a platform with a shower and toilet. It’s very cramped because of all the clothes. I’m gradually getting rid of clothes that don’t fit or that I no longer wear, so that I have free hangers again.

I have to wash the clothes as well. The most enchanting laundry is the one with the knickers. All that lace. All those colours.

When I have guests or am invited out, it sometimes takes me an hour to find the right colours and styles and to put on my make-up. I often start with my legs, then I pair a skirt with a top. Then the colour of the tights doesn’t match, so I look for another pair or change the skirt, after which a different top goes better with it. It can go back and forth like that sometimes. Time is always running out. I quickly put the items I’ve tried on aside without hanging them up. It all ends up in quite a mess. And then there’s the make-up. I completely understand why women are late. Sometimes, when I wake up in bed, I’m already thinking about what I could wear to make it quicker.

When I’m sitting colourful in a café, surrounded by people, or when I’m hosting a gathering at my place or visiting friends, I feel really good and content – as a woman, as a trans woman. I need to be immersed in people to be able to show myself as I am. When I wear women’s clothes, I’m not a man dressed inappropriately, as the awful terms ‘cross-dresser’ or ‘transvestite’ suggest. I’m dressed exactly as I should be.

Young trans women often dress according to current fashion trends. They want to fit into the mainstream. They make changes to their faces – undergoing surgical procedures and taking hormones – to look as feminine as possible. They then rely less on their clothing. Their trans identity is somewhat hidden. That path doesn’t work for me. I want to remain natural; I don’t want to rely on hormones or surgery. Besides, I’m much older. That’s why clothing is so important to me.

My signal to those around me is that I’m a trans woman, not a woman! The woman is on the inside! I want to be recognised and accepted as a trans woman. And that, in particular, gives me the freedom to dress however I please, and so I can get away with a lot without worrying about taboos or being provocative.

Time and again, women approach me quite spontaneously because they like the way I dress. That makes me very happy and deeply moves me every time. I’m touched. By a woman! I love that woman!

I’m sometimes told that women shouldn’t dress like that, that it’s provocative. When I see what they are wearing, that’s only logical. I dress the way I like; I feel freer that way. I celebrate myself and take such joy in being a woman, and I show it with joy, lots of colour and also with sexiness.

There are people who have no problem with being trans. But when I dress sexily, it challenges their lack of freedom, including in relation to their own sexuality. So that person then ends up having a problem with being trans after all. Being trans is then seen as too sexy. They associate being trans with being sexy. Yet their sexual issues or lack of freedom have nothing to do with me, nor with being trans. It’s their own lack of sexual freedom. Unfortunately, being sexy is still – and indeed, more so than ever – a taboo. Yet being sexy is so wonderful. I love it. It embodies the woman so strongly: the free, self-confident woman. I am one of those women.

I went to a get-together for older trans women and was dressed in a sexy outfit. I felt my sexy outfit was appropriate for such an occasion and noticed how it provoked a reaction. Afterwards, a warning email was sent out. I was wearing a tight-fitting, short, pink lace dress. Through the fabric of the short pink dress I was wearing, my breasts – supported only by a underwired bra – were visible, as were my nipples and my knickers. I also had bare legs and was wearing pink heels with fabric flowers. Sexy! These trans women either adopt the prudish side of womanhood or are prudish themselves. I no longer go to such gatherings. I much prefer to be in normal company, not in ‘bubbles’.

Young trans women – and ordinary young women too – sometimes dress very sexily; they show off and celebrate their beautiful bodies and their femininity. I feel the same desire! Being sexy is so lovely and liberating. That’s the teenager in me!

The sexier I dress, the more in tune I am with my inner self. I feel more like a woman on the outside. It’s a strong need and very satisfying. The closer I can bring my outward appearance to my inner self, the more at ease I feel. I can express my inner self through my appearance. I don’t do it for men; it’s for the woman. For my woman. The woman must be free.

I don’t want to look like I’m in disguise. Make-up helps. The beard is the most distracting thing. For me, it’s not a disguise. Although, from a purely physical perspective, perhaps it is. I have to own my male body. It has to be visible in some way; I’m a trans woman. And then it doesn’t seem artificial. Hiding it and pretending I’m a real woman is embarrassing – with a wig, fake breasts and foundation. It’s a balancing act.

It takes courage to live as a trans woman. And it takes even more courage because I’m older. And it takes even more courage to dress freely and in bright colours! And it takes even more courage still to dress sexily. And it takes courage because it can sometimes be provocative. It shows just how immature, unspiritual and uptight society is. But my inner self and my freedom give me the strength to do so.

My dresses, shirts and tops

I like them tight-fitting, skimpy, short dresses, tube dresses that cling to my tummy, which then, unfortunately, shows up more clearly. I like them gathered, and off-the-shoulder too. Tops with a low neckline. Also made of lace or mesh, slightly see-through. I like it when my breasts and nipples show through or are visible. Perhaps a bra might be visible – one with underwires that encircle the breasts without covering the nipples. There are dresses that are lined only at the bust. I’d sort out any such prudish item. Or I can pull the back round to the front. And show off my breasts better! Or pull an off-the-shoulder tube dress up just to just below the breasts. Sexy!

Bodysuits

That’s what I find exciting at the moment (late 25s). By the end of 2026, I’ll still be experimenting. I’m interested in a bodysuit that isn’t too tight at the bottom, to leave room for the testicles. Worn with tights or leggings underneath. Usually no underpants, as they might peek out. Or ones that are deliberately on show. On top, perhaps a T-shirt under the bodysuit. Of course, you can see the crotch clearly – it’s just like a dancer’s outfit. Then a blazer, a cropped blazer or a faux-fur cropped jacket. A light scarf to go with it. High heels. Wow!

My skirts

I prefer short miniskirts; most of them are too long. I’ve got quite short legs and I want to show off my whole leg – that’s sexy. The proportions only look right with short miniskirts. Sometimes I can cut a bit off or turn the waistband up. It’s okay for the crotch to be visible now and then, too. There are lace miniskirts with trousers sewn inside; I cut those out. That turns it into a slightly see-through miniskirt. I hardly have any very long skirts, but it’s lovely when they brush against my legs.

My stockings, leggings

I don’t really like tights very much because they restrict my feet. Leggings show my toes, which I love, and my feet slip less in my shoes. They give my legs such a lovely shape. I prefer them to be very colourful. With patterns, or fishnet stockings over another coloured pair. Black is chic and sexy. It depends on how sheer they are. I find white really fascinating. Just leggings and a T-shirt on top. Paired with a mini-skirt pulled up too high. Stay-ups that reach the thighs feel so free and are erotic, even without a foot section – just a tube. It’s also lovely to wear a ribbon, a necklace or a scrunchie over the stockings.

My knickers

Of course I wear women’s knickers. There are some absolutely gorgeous ones. At first, I had to try out various styles. Most of them work. With some styles, I have to put them on the wrong way round – so the back is the front – because I have a penis and testicles. I go for the small size so they hug it tightly. I pull him up high. Panties with a bit of lace on the legs, worn over stockings, are like stockings with a decorative band. Or thongs, where the bottom is bare. The knickers can be slightly visible, even through tights. Sometimes I pull a contrasting-coloured lace pair of knickers over the tights, so that they look like over-knickers.

My bras

I don’t need one for my small breasts. But to make me more aware of them, or when wearing certain outfits, I do like to wear one. Preferably just underwires – two semicircles that encircle my breasts. Over the top, something slightly see-through, ideally with coloured nipples.

My shoes

They’re my fetish. They’re lying about everywhere. I love high heels above all else; they energise me, make me feel a bit high, really, and make me feel sexy. They give me a tingling, exhilarating feeling – a feminine, proud one. I feel so very much like a woman. They make my attractive legs look longer, and it’s just sexy. Heeled sandals where you can see my toes with painted nails are even more erotic, preferably with bare legs. In winter, with tights, I usually wear court shoes. In the same colours as my dresses. I prefer heels between 6 and 10 cm high. And I like platform heels too.

My bags

This is new to me. I’ve never had one before. But I simply need one, because my clothes don’t have any pockets. I like the ones I can carry over my shoulder. Or really small ones to carry in my hand when I go out.

My scarves and foulards

They’re a wonderful accessory, even in summer. They let me add another splash of colour. I also like to tie them round my tummy with a knot at the side.

My jackets and coats

I love faux fur – it comes in every colour. It’s got this wicked, wild sexiness about it. Short jackets are interesting because they show off the skirt, your bum and a bit of your top. Longer ones are hot because only your legs peek out. I also wear real fur – from second-hand shops. It would be a shame to just throw the animals away. They died for us. This is a way of honouring them. Newly made fur shouldn’t exist at all anymore.

My jewellery, my earrings

I always wear earrings. I’ve had pierced ears since I was young, and I love it when they wiggle or jingle. Colour is what matters most to me. Rhinestones are so wonderfully kitsch. Or little tassels. On my wrist, I wear beads, rings or scrunchies – and on my ankle too. Around my neck as well. There are some enchanting wooden pieces. They aren’t cold to the touch. Gold is always fake and, unfortunately, breaks very quickly. I don’t really have anything against cheap jewellery; I’ll even wear a purple plastic necklace meant for children.

My make-up is in the ‘My Face’ section.

My perfume.

I worked for a while on perfumes by Dior, Guerlain, Kenzo, Fendi and Acqua di Parma. So I have a wide selection, and I always wear perfume – sometimes quite heavily when I’m on my own – so that I can smell it all the time. Then I smell the woman. I smell myself. I prefer classic, warm, soft, powdery scents. I often put on perfume when I go to bed, too. I used to do that before as well.

My nail varnish

The nail varnish on my hands and feet is important to me. I see my hands and feet all the time, so I’m always aware of my femininity through my body. All colours are fine, except blue and green, as I find these colours too cold. I usually paint my nails when I go to bed. That’s the least stressful time to do it. Whilst it’s drying, I have a scroll through Instagram or Threads. That’s the most glorious moment for this ‘media theatre’. My bed linen has already picked up a few splashes of colour.

My hair

I’ve dyed it with henna. I usually tie it up. In a bun – it just suits me. Or a side ponytail. I also add splashes of colour with a scrunchie. Or I make it a bit wavy by dampening it and twisting it. Then I wear it loose. It looks a bit wild.