Art

I am a woman!

This sudden Knowledge was the most beautiful moment of my life! Something unconscious became conscious.

I am a woman in a male body! I am the inner self; my body is the outer self. I am a TransWoman!

This was around 23 January 2021, my 59th birthday.

An awakening. An epiphany. Energising. Exciting. I felt renewed. Cleansed. Young. Fresh. Bright.

I was sitting at the table in the west-facing room. Lost in thought. For some time, I’d been feeling a sense of unease within me. Something heavy. Where is the problem? How can I find it? What am I supposed to be looking for or recognising? There must be something. Helpless.

It was Covid. I was working at the hotel, on reception. I had lots of guests at the B&B; in the evenings I often had to cook. I was building the fireplace in the house. I had no time for my art.

My art, the channel for the unconscious woman, was blocked. So the woman had to become conscious. She had to break through the barrier between the subconscious and the conscious. My art is always the woman. I am a very colourful woman; just like my art, that’s how I dress too.

It’s astonishing how something can be concealed, suppressed. It shows how strongly we are shaped by our upbringing, culture, religion and our thoughts, and how we identify with them. I never had the faintest idea.

I’ve become aware of many experiences connected to my inner woman, which now make sense, but they were never strong enough for me to realise that I am a woman.

I wasn’t unhappy as a man. But now I’m blossoming.