Art

A real TransWoman has a penis.

Are you having the surgery? That question comes up quickly. Sorry! A trans woman doesn’t need the surgery!

You are a woman on the inside, and you are that even with a penis, and even without a vagina, and even in a male body. That’s how you came into this world; accept it. You are a TransWoman, and you can’t change that.

Your inner self isn’t dependent on your physical sex. You’re aware that you’re a woman on the inside. What’s inside is what matters. You aren’t your body. You inhabit your body. That’s why I always say to myself: I’m a woman in a male body. But here I’m using the word «TransWoman»; «shemale» would be better.

I think it’s important to recognise this. It helps you detach from your body, from identifying with it.

You have the right sexual organ and the right body.

Accept the body with the penis; that way, it isn’t wrong. You aren’t fighting against it. There is no wrong inner self or wrong outer self. The mismatch between your inner self and your outer body is a reality. This combination exists by nature. Is nature wrong?

If you think the penis is wrong, it is only your thinking that is wrong, because it is shaped by this society, culture, religion or your parents. But you can change that way of thinking without surgery.

If you want your body to be more feminine, your face or breasts are more visible than your sexual organ. A woman can wear men’s clothes, even with small breasts, and will be seen as a woman. You can have cosmetic surgery, get silicone breasts, or take hormones to look more feminine. I don’t do any of that, but if it’s important to you, you can do it, especially if you identify with your body, which is usually the case in youth. But
down below, you don’t need to do anything. You don’t walk around naked, after all.

Don’t fixate on the vagina. Reducing a woman to a vagina is too simplistic. A woman is physically different, has different proportions. She has a different relationship with her body. She has different experiences to a man. She has a period; she has to accept it, understand it. She has a womb, ovaries and can use contraception or get pregnant, have children. Her emotional world and her way of thinking may also be different. A female friend told me, when she saw me as a woman for the first time, that she’d always thought I thought like a woman. What a gift!

Even if you can’t have these experiences, or those of a teenage girl going through puberty, you are a woman at heart. You must define and shape this woman—as a TransWoman, with your male body—yourself, live it, and express it to the outside world. A fake vagina won’t help you with that. You don’t have to conform to the mainstream image of women. That is characterised by a lack of freedom, oppression, social expectations and taboos. Cultural, societal and religious rules. You are much freer. Take that freedom. Show your freedom. After all, you are a TransWoman; be proud to show it. In our culture, this is new. And it will take generations before it really becomes normal.

You are a TransWoman and you don’t need to have a vagina! A fake vagina is certainly less fun than your penis. With your penis, you can have sex your way, as a TransWoman; it is your definition. With whoever you choose – a woman, a man, a trans person. And your partner might like and love your penis too. You simply have to stand by your penis. Stand by yourself as a TransWoman, with a penis. As a penis woman. You don’t have to change anything; you already are who you are, so be it, live it, discover it, show it. It’s that simple!

If you don’t have a partner, you can have wonderful sex with yourself. Pleasure yourself. The orgasm is within you. Is that possible even with a removed penis?

Love is the most beautiful and important thing in sex. If you’re in love with someone, it’ll work out fine even with a penis. Sex is just the external aspect, a bodily need. Love is inside, the spice of sex.

Our sexual organs are perfectly designed. The fake will never be as beautiful as a real vagina. Just as your penis is beautiful. Nature is the best designer. Form follows function. It’s high-tech.

I wear my penis and testicles up. It’s no longer between my thighs; my legs go right up to my crotch. You can also see the bulge. It doesn’t get in the way. People can see that I have a penis, that I haven’t had it removed. I am a proud TransWoman.

How do you think you know what it’s like to have a vagina? What do you take yourself for? What do you imagine? Is it realistic or fantasy? Have you ever spoken to a woman about her vagina? Do you know how it works? Have you ever seen a real vagina on a woman? Have you ever played with one?

Removing the penis is removing a sexual organ. Afterwards, there is no new one. The new one is a fake on a body that is still male. It has no real function at all. Does the fake also have a clitoris, a period, discharge, feelings? The operation is an injury to the body, and can also cause an injury to the inner self. It is not necessary. It is mindfuck! Ego. Identification with false thinking.

With a fake vagina, you are not a real woman; you are a fake woman, a TransWoman with a fake. A fake TransWoman. It is easier to be a TransWoman; you already are one, and that is not fake. Be a TransWoman with a penis; only that is a real TransWoman. That is authentic. Stand by yourself. Do not prostitute yourself. Do not betray yourself.

If you want to experience a real vagina, you can be with a woman; she can share it with you. You can lick it, massage it, caress it, stimulate it; you can even explore it from the inside with your penis, feel her muscles; you can smell it, taste her juices. You can trigger feelings and sensations, play with the clitoris, experience an orgasm, enjoy it together with the woman, experience her sensual beauty. Drink in her beauty. Bathe in her beauty. That can nourish you and you can incorporate the feeling of a woman into yourself, soak it up, store it within you, try to integrate it into your body. Try to feel the woman. Copy her into yourself. And try to radiate it. She might play with your penis, be turned on by it. Would she be turned on by a fake vagina? Would you have the courage to show your fake to a woman? She would scream or remain silent, cry or laugh!

Does the fake turn a man on? Your fake vagina isn’t real; it doesn’t have the same functions. Your penis isn’t a fake. What do you want? Fake or real? Real and fake don’t go together. A man will be disappointed by your fake. If you fancy a penis, you can take it anally, lick it, stroke it, put it in your mouth, play with the testicles. Perhaps he loves you, and your penis too. Your partner might not need a vagina at all. Certainly not a fake one. As a TransWoman, it doesn’t turn me on; I’d prefer your penis.

The operation is complicated. And things can go wrong. Just because something can be done doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.

A doctor will go to great lengths and will be able to explain everything. He’ll convince you that everything will be fine – it’s his business! His ego.

And perhaps your body will mount a defensive reaction, as with organ transplants. Your body certainly doesn’t want that. It doesn’t want destruction. It doesn’t want mutilation.

In Barcelona it costs 35,000. After 6 days you can go home already, high on painkillers. The wounds and incisions have to heal; nothing must become infected. Everything is bandaged up, with tubes hanging out.

The operation is your decision and you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. It is your responsibility. It is your choice. It is your body. If you have problems afterwards, you can’t go back. You’ve signed a form stating that the surgeon isn’t liable.

There’s a politician who wants to ban the operation for under-16s. I’d even say not under 20. Because by 20 you’ve already got more life experience, and are more likely to realise that the operation isn’t necessary at all.

At 16, many probably don’t even know how their own bodies work, let alone how sex works. They don’t know the opposite sex at all. The pressure to have an operation comes only from outside. It doesn’t come from within; at that age, you don’t have a proper understanding of your own body, let alone the female body. Nor do you understand the opposite sex. You’re still going through puberty.

Love yourself and your body! And your genitals. Inside, you are a woman; on the outside, a TransWoman. You mustn’t think wrongly and believe that surgery is necessary; otherwise, you’ll be thinking like the society that refuses to accept you as a trans person and wants to make you invisible. Trans people must remain recognisable and visible.

The operation

What should your new part look like? Vaginas come in different forms. Inner and outer, long or short, thick or thin labia. Large or small clitoris. Have you looked at different vaginas? Who’s doing the design? If I were to design a vagina, it would be quite colourful! Just like in my art!

Is everything properly connected to the brain? How does it react? Does it think differently? Are left and right swapped, are there short circuits? Are the sensations completely different, unusable, feminine or even masculine? Are there phantom sensations, like with a missing finger? Is something missing now?

Does hygiene work? What do the bacteria do? Is the flora in the artificial space correct? A vagina has periods, discharge and lubrication. Do you have to rinse it? Do you need creams, lubricants, cleansers, disinfectants? Does diverting moisture from the anus into the artificial cavity work? It mustn’t crust over, stick together, ferment, start to grow anything, or stink. What are the smells like? Is there a vagina perfume? A vagina smells nice. It’s a bouquet of flowers.

Where does your urine come out? With a vagina, it’s right at the front. Just like with your penis before.

Will you have to take painkillers, antibiotics or other medicines for the rest of your life? Are there side effects?

Is the new area sensitive, how and where? Does anything swell up? And what about libido? Is there still ejaculation? Orgasms? Can they be triggered? And the clitoris? Wouldn’t that actually have been your penis?

Are there men who can accept such a fake and make use of it? Without tearing, without pain, is the space long enough? Do you have to stretch it out with a dildo or wear it out, or will it otherwise close up? Are there muscles in there? The vagina has them. There’s also the anus to fall back on; it has muscles too. You can use that without surgery.

The human body is so complex and so perfect, yet people dare to meddle with it and play at being God! There’s a lack of ethics, on the part of both the doctor and the patient.

Why did you have the operation, just for the appearance? Just for your mind?

You had the operation and you’re not satisfied? It’s just like before the operation: accept your body. Accept your new ‘fake’ now. Forgive yourself, don’t feel guilty, but take responsibility. Don’t be angry with yourself. What was your mindset before, how did you identify with your thoughts? Now you can start to reflect. Now that you’ve damaged your body, you can only process and heal it in your mind. And – don’t panic. You’re still the same woman on the inside! And you’re still in the same male body on the outside.

Accept yourself! As a TransWoman! Now!