Art

I am the inner self. The essence of being. I am not the body; I live in it. It is my home.

As a TransWoman, I am well aware that I am not my body. My inner gender – my inner feminine essence – does not align with my outer, physical male body and gender. So, internally, I am a woman, but externally, I have and inhabit a male body. It is the outer anchor for my inner being – the vessel containing my consciousness and all its bodily functions. My home!

If you have experienced – and therefore now know – that you are in the wrong body, that you are living in it, then you simply cannot be the body. You know that your inner self does not fit with it. You are this inner being. Therefore, you are not the body. You are this being as a woman.

We are here, consisting of two things that are actually separate: the physical body and the inner energy of being. It’s like a separation between the inner and the outer. I call the awareness – the realization that this is so – “separation,” because we are not the body. Of course, as human beings, both are connected or interwoven. Here, the inner, bodiless Being connects with the outer body. The inner Being has entered a body – our dwelling. We are inside. We are not the body. At some point, however, this connection dissolves completely – with death.

How can one not be aware of the separation – that is, of dwelling in the body? If you know you are a woman, but your body is male! When the body aligns with the inner self, it is more difficult to experience this sense of separation – of dwelling within the body.

We are always the inner self. The being. Every human being. Even when the body aligns. If you believe you are the body, you are deluded. You have not yet come to this realization. You are identified with the body. You do not realize it. You believe you are the body. You think you are your emotions or feelings. You think you are your thoughts. That is merely identification.

Thoughts are interchangeable. They are finite. So is the body. But the inner self is not. Never. It is infinite. It is difficult for humans to conceive of infinity.

Through life experience, meditation, self-awareness, spiritual training, yoga, or the Trans, one can come to the realization that we are not our bodies. It is an experience, a realization that can only be lived; it cannot be passed on. It is not an idea, ideology, or theory; it does not come from the brain or thought. It is difficult to explain and understand. That is why trans issues are not truly understood without this experience – not even by TransWoman, sometimes.

Discussions about trans issues are often so complicated and emotional because no distinction is made between the outer body – with its emotions and thoughts – and the inner being. We are not the body. Nor does it have anything to do with sexuality or the genitalia. And it is not a decision. It does not come from the mind. Everything gets mixed up; everything focuses on the body because most people identify with their bodies and their thoughts.

TransWoman often identify with their bodies, with their physical selves. That’s also why they undergo hormone therapy and surgical procedures. I understand that. It helps them feel more comfortable in their bodies. But I think they’ll never be completely satisfied – until they realize that they aren’t their bodies, but rather their inner selves, and can then accept their bodies better. They can observe their bodies more objectively. Even with this realization, one can undergo gender-affirming procedures – but then quite consciously – and they might even be more effective because one can observe the body more closely. Then life is easier, without identifying with the body, the thoughts, the feelings, or the ego. It’s like a trap that can be released through spirituality, meditation, awareness, and right thinking.

We often see only a person’s exterior, which is why it’s so difficult for TransWoman. The inner woman isn’t visible. The male body is. When you make adjustments to present as a woman, it helps to be seen and understood better – as a trans woman, not as a woman. The social pressure of the male/female binary is immense.

We have an inner, fixed, unchanging gender that is independent of the biological body. I don’t know where or how it is stored. It is not in the body. Here, too, the separation becomes apparent. Otherwise, I would be a man on the inside, and my male body would determine what I am. This information must lie within our very being. We are a being. There may be a female being, a male being, and a neutral being. And it can happen that this female being is not in the right body – as is the case with me, who is in a male body. And sooner or later, this information comes into consciousness. That’s how you come to recognize yourself as a TransWoman.

Consciousness allows you to realize that your body doesn’t fit, that you are not your body. It’s not the feelings or thoughts – they come from the body. They themselves are not the realization; they themselves are not the woman – they lead to it. You are inside – the Being. A female Being.

When a woman’s essence enters the wrong body, there is certainly a reason for it. This means that I am not in the wrong body, but simply in the other one. When I accept my body, it becomes the right one again, because that is how it has unfolded from existence itself. We are always in the right body; it depends on how one perceives and thinks about the combination. I am a trans woman in the right – male – body.

We don’t know why trans existence exists. It is part of existence, part of the divine. Which is a reason to accept it. To have this experience. To live it. It is natural, positive, beautiful, human. It doesn’t happen very often – perhaps one percent of people. Nature plays with deviations from the norm. It plays with exceptions, with peculiarities. We are exclusive!

The key is to see and live as a TransWoman – not as a woman. Which she is, of course. She is a woman – an inner woman – who lives in a male body, in a male home. And we can only adapt this home somewhat; we cannot change it. One shouldn’t try to turn a real TransWoman into a “real” woman. A TransWoman is never and will never become a “real” woman – even if you hear that said over and over again. The key is to simply be and accept what you already are: a TransWoman.

Still, you can make some changes to the home. But we can’t move to a different home. We are bound to it for life. The only way to leave it is through death.